The world has been taken over by zombies. Or perhaps pod people. I don’t have my "101 Ways to Spot an Alien Invasion" handbook readily available so I’ll have to guess right now that it’s zombies. Nothing and no one makes sense anymore. I have had more ridiculous conversations with people in the past week than ever before and since I know I’m not clinically insane, I’ve concluded that everyone else is.
My son started medication for ADHD almost two weeks ago and, though it works well during the day, when it wears off mid-afternoon, he becomes Demon Spawn Child of the Damned. I spoke to his doctor about getting his dosage adjusted and he told me I needed a second opinion from the school. I explained that the school wasn’t having a problem, I was having a problem with him after the medication wears off in the afternoon. He said he needs two different sources to agree on the child’s behavior before he will agree to a dosage change. I said I understood but that the medication was wearing off after school, ergo the school wasn’t having a problem with him but I was. He said too bad. I asked what would happen if his teachers reported a problem during school hours. Would he require my input to change the dosage if they requested it? "Of course not," said the Doctor. "he’s not with you during the day so we would just go with what the school said and change it accordingly." I have an appointment this afternoon to meet the doctor and punch him in the face to face.
Speaking of the school, this doctor requires my son’s teachers to document his behavior so we can assess how well the medication is working. They fill out a sheet every day so the doctor and I can review them periodically and see how things are going. Here is an accurate representation of the daily sheets I’ve been getting back from the school. Yes, they are a wealth of information, are they not?
Apparently all the home repair people in this area have also been taken over by zombies. How else can you explain why six roofers have failed to show up to give me estimates on roof repairs and two people I’ve asked to bid on other home remodeling projects have completely blown me off? Doesn’t anybody want to work anymore or are all expenses paid once to you take a trip to the Zone of the Dead?
The only person who hasn’t been turned into a zombie is my ex-husband and that’s because his stench is too strong even for flesh-eating walking corpse to tolerate. He showed a flash of civility when I spoke to him about Son One’s medical issues a couple of weeks ago but it was very short lived. He’s back to his true Wanker self which is great because now I know who to call if I ever need to be condescended to, berated, blamed or otherwise annoyed on any given day. His latest rant is either that it’s my fault he lost some paperwork I gave him (because, you know, it’s easy to tamper with his shit from 1400 miles away) or that I ate Oreos for lunch yesterday. With him, you never can tell.
All week I’ve been talking to people that I swear have been taken over by these zombies that are clearly invading the world. If I have one more obnoxious, whiny or inane conversation with someone I’m just gonna go all "Sigourney-Weaver-Alien-Jumping-
Outta-My-Chest" on them. I swear I will.
Posted by Lisa Hoover 
