Perhaps in my last post I gave you the impression that I am overly unforgiving to people who visit my house, and I think it’s important to note that I’ve been trying to lighten up a little bit. For instance, I no longer carry around a rucksack filled with dust cloths and coasters when I have company over. Instead I just twitch quietly with every bead of sweat that rolls down a cold glass and onto my beautiful hand-polished wood coffee table. Heck, 10 years from now I might even let people eat cheese and crackers on the couch.
Speaking of food, that’s an area where my maladjusted approach to certain things will probably never wane. You see, I’m just a wee bit weird when it comes to my food rules.
- Nothing can touch. Never, ever, ever. All food items need to have at least two inches clearance between them. There will be no mixing of food on a fork. People who smoosh up their corn and potatoes or pancakes and sausage in the same bite need to live on a desert island away from the common man.
- Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and gravy, however, must be eaten as a unit by the forkful — not separately.
- Rolling things, like peas, need their own plate. The same is true for food with a high probability of seepage, like creamed corn. Truthfully, I’d prefer that every thing I’m eating at a given meal have its own plate, but I don’t want anyone to think I’m weird. Be quiet.
- Food flavors must remain original. Bananas are yummy. Banana bread is not. Peanuts are fantastic, but have no place in chocolate chip cookies. And don’t even get me started on this.
- I love lots of different kinds of food. I regularly eat seaweed salad, spaghetti squash, various iterations of sushi (I guess I like foods that start with “S”), but couldn’t choke down a piece of apple pie or drink a Coke unless I was a contestant on “Fear Factor.”
As you can imagine, I’m loads of fun to have dinner with. Buffets cause me undue stress.
Do you eat off of a divided plate (you can get them at Target). You must LOVE those frozen “TV” dinners. Have you thought of charging admission when you eat a meal?
Well, I thought my daughter’s food choices were weird. She does #1 too, but please tell me what is wrong with apple pie??!!
Kenju, nothing’s wrong with it at all. At least that’s what 99.999% of the population seems to think. I, on the other hand, think apple pie tastes like sweat socks left in a gym bag for too long. But, hey, that’s just me.
OMG girl… you’re dissin’ my Clamato for my bloody ceasers.. hehehe
I’ve seen you eat… yes you should charge admission
Love ya
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