To be sure, she is a doll. How can you not love this face? Oh, I mean this one. She was rescued off the streets a couple years back when she followed my son home one day and gave us that sad look stray animals get when then want to tie your heart in a knot. After long and careful deliberation, we let her adopt us and we’ve had quite an adventurous romp with her ever since.
Lilo considers herself part of the family. Not to put too fine a point on it, she actually considers herself one of my kids. No, really. She tries to sit in the dining room with us when we eat — in a chair. When we go for car rides she has her own seat and damn near tries to wear a safety belt. (I swear I hear her yell, “Shotgun” before we jump in the car to head to the park.) When we pile onto the couch to watch a movie, she gives you a look that says, “If you don’t let me up there with you, I’m going to eat your stash of chocolate bars and commit doggie suicide.”
She’s adorable and she means well, I know she does, but one of us needs a reality check. Take the other night, for example. Despite the fact that dogs have been water-loving animals since the dawn of time, Lilo refuses to set paw outside if there is the merest whispered hint of rain. If there is a cloud somewhere off the coast of the Yucatan Peninsula, that darn dog flatly refuses to go out, lest an errant raindrop touch her fur.
Lilo also requires encouragement, cheering, and many treats just to pee. If my kids were this difficult to potty train I would have given up long ago and my ten year-old would be in diapers. I won’t tell you the extent I go through to get her to…well, never mind.
Lilo also has a fondness for stuffed toys that borders on psychosis. Well, to be more specific, her molars have a fondness for stuffed toys. Unfortunately, my kids have a fondness for them as well, and I have also been known to receive a plush or two as a gift every now and again. You can’t imagine the colors they’re stuffed with these days (plushies, not dogs). Oh, but I know. I know the assorted rainbow of hues that stuffed animals are filled with, as well as what they look like post-digestion. Lilo has educated me, she is my teacher.
Overall, she’s a good dog but I suppose I’ve been spoiled by my cats all these years. With them it’s always clear who’s in charge, who’s boss, and who rules the roost.
I always know who would drive if we ever went on a road trip.
I know just where we stand, and who owns everything in my house (including any stuffed toys).
I always know who gets the umbrella if it’s raining outside.
So who’s the fairest one of all among my girlie-dog, Lilo, or my fancy-pants cats?
What? You think I’m gonna answer that? One has fangs, the other has dander. Either way, I’m screwed.