When I’m not busying annoying the daylights out of my kids, my next favorite hobby is embarrassing myself. You’ll be pleased to know that no matter how busy I get, there’s always time for that.
Last week, there was an accidental mishap while the maids were cleaning my house. One of the doors in my kitchen got damaged and I left it as-is (as-was?) until their boss could come have a look. Though he was happy to pay a repairman to come fix it, the damage was really so minor that I knew between the two of us, we could easy take care of it. All we needed was a screwdriver and a pair of pliers so I dove into the toolbox while he fiddled with some hardware.
Let’s pause at this point for a bit of explanation, shall we? The kids and I have been running all over creation going to the shuttle launch, SeaWorld, out with friends, swimming, etc., and I’ve got a boatload of clients I’m doing projects for. To say I’m worn out and distracted would be an understatement — I’m lucky I can boil water on some days. That’s my excuse for my verbal stupidity, and I’m sticking to it.
Anyway, I was rummaging through the toolbox, highly impressed with myself for having such an organized kit and that I know what they heck everything actually does. I was blathering on about how much I like my tools, how much I use it, how much I love to fix things. Y’know, the stuff you say right before you make yourself look like the stupidest person on planet Earth.
I called over my shoulder and asked the guy what kind of screwdriver we needed. “Phillips,” he answered.
“Okay! Here you go!” I chirped.
He gave me blank stare a waited a beat before gently saying, “Um, this is a slotted.”
I turned Calmato red and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“ARGH! I’m sonot a girl!” The point I was trying to ineptly make was that I’m not your typical bubble-headed female. Instead I came out sounding like I was RuPaul. I just left the room.
I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty certain he went back to the office and gave the cleaning team an immediate raise for having to put up with me every week. I didn’t get a chance to find out when they came back to clean today because I was too busy clarifying for them that I am, in fact, the stupidest person on planet Earth, in case they missed the memo.
When the crew was packing up to leave today, the lead gal accidentally locked her keys in her car. They were very, very upset and not sure what to do. I helped them get in their car and afterwards they thanked me profusely — hugs all around.
They must have thanked and hugged me four times but, really, I was glad to help. I’ve gotten to know this team a bit and I know they work very hard, have young kids, and I think at least one is a single mom. After watching them clean my house every week (yes, I still tidy up beforehand), I have nothing but respect for them and I was glad to assist them in getting their keys back.
Wouldn’t it have been nice if I’d said it that way?
Instead, I said, “Oh, hey, it was nothing. We working girls have to stick together, right?”
Criminy. That was so not what I meant.
They drove off at about 90 MPH.
Right about now, you’re wondering how I make a living putting words together, aren’t you? Yeah, me too.
Posted by Lisa Hoover 
