About 150 bright blue moons ago I told my mother I wanted a Sony Walkman so I could listen to music while I commuted back and forth to school in downtown Chicago. Kind woman that she is, she eventually bought me one though I’m sure there was no correlation to that sudden Goth period I fell into right around the same time.
Walking around with my headphones plugged into that giant moveable tape-deck and listening to Journey, I thought I was the coolest, most high-tech gadget freak on earth. These days, of course, my kids wouldn’t know a cassette tape if it fell on their head (which one did while I was cleaning my closet last week).
I was sure that no electronic device would ever be cooler, smaller, or more efficiently made during my lifetime despite the fact that I needed a sherpa to carry it and its accessories, and it drained batteries dry in the time it took me to walk out the front door.
Now I’m older, wiser, and living in the age of the Apple’s newest music player, the iPod Shuffle, which is short for “I’ve sneezed things into a Kleenex larger than this.” I’ve grown accustomed to the fact that technology rules us, not the other way around. If you doubt me on that, have a look at the effect video games have on the ordinary American child.
I’m from a generation that got to play the first video games ever created, so I understand that some thirty-odd years later most of the people I know still play them. It’s part nostalgia, and part complete awe at how far they’ve come (Pong, anyone?). I don’t begrudge adults that have a blast relaxing over a good game of Super Monkey Ball, I just can’t do it. Video games stress me out. I’m no longer welcome at Chuck E. Cheese after the Unfortunate Whack-A-Mole incident of 2006.
Last year, Nintendo introduced a new video game system called the Wii. It barely got on my radar and I paid no attention whatsoever. During the summer, I gradually became more aware of its existence and once I heard about the Wii Fit exercise game (attachment sold separately, void where prohibited, not valid in Antigua), I decided to pick one up.
Goodbye, productivity. Hello, obsession.
The Wii Fit is a little electronic board that speaks wirelessly to your Wii game console. It’s designed to be set on the floor so you can stand on it while you play / exercise. By the way, that’s some impressive marketing there, my friend. The company gets you to buy a game system for hundreds of dollars, then gets you to pony up another $90 more for something you take home, dump on the floor, and step all over with the same cruddy feet you used to walk the dog at that truck stop near Peoria last month.
Of course I coughed up the cash.
The day I got the Wii Fit home, I set it up, and stepped on to let it weigh me and estimate my BMI. After it was done calculating, it determined I’m 29 which is…ha, ha, ha, ha, ha….. SO not true. It also told me all sorts of sad things I didn’t want to hear, like my current weight. Then I had my 9-year old son step on and the Wii Fit determined he was 77-years old, 173 pounds overweight and knocking on the side door of the Grim Reaper’s house. I suddenly felt much better about what it told me.
The Wii Fit bills itself as a personal trainer of sorts. It puts you through all sorts of yoga poses, strength training, cardio, and balance exercises, then logs your activity and even awards you a “Good Job” stamp on your virtual calendar when you’re done for the day. It tracks your weight loss, BMI, and, for all I know, your menstrual cycle. Frankly, it’s awfully damn invasive, considering it’s nothing but a video game on steroids. I went for a mammogram last week. It offered to tag along and record the results.
I’m so in love with this stupid little thing, it’s kind of getting unhealthy, if you’ll allow me the pun. I’ve bought the Fit a nice silicon sleeve for our first month-a-versary — a slinky little see-through number I think it will like. I was thinking of getting it a mat too, but I didn’t want to seem needy so I’ll wait for our six-month for that.
I love my Wii Fit a Wii bit more than I should. I’ve been having a great time hula-hooping and jogging first thing in the morning, then doing the tree pose and a few crunches before bed every night. Now this is a video game I can get behind.
My favorite thing about the Wii is that you can create a little tiny person that looks just like you to live inside your console and jump from game to game as you play tennis or golf. My Mii (get it? Wii –> Mii. Oh, those silly gamers.) hangs around inside the Wii Fit and jumps up every time I turn it on, apparently to motivate me to keep coming back.
Oops.
I’ve been really, really busy the last week or so and haven’t had a chance to use the Wii Fit as much as I like. Son Two uses it almost every day and he shared some sad news with me today.
Mii, oh my. What will I do? Time to get cracking on the Wii again. Who has one? Who’s in it with me? Wii can do it!
Aw, hell, I’m all out of puns.
Posted by Lisa Hoover 
