Today is my oldest son’s 11th birthday. While I was pregnant, I remember thinking that after he was born I’d be the one who would do all the teaching while he did all the listening and obeying. Yeah, I was totally wrong.
Today my son is more than a decade old and a we’re both a decade wiser. Though I kid myself I can still teach him a thing or two, the reality is that I learn just as much from him as he ever could from me. For instance:
11) If you run full-speed at a mud puddle and jump with both knees bent you can, in fact, soak both your brothers in sidewalk soup even if they’re still 9 feet away.
10) It’s entirely possible to make your mother turn purple if you give yourself a haircut just before a family event where pictures are expected to be taken. And you can do it twice in the same year.
9) Even if you can retain every single statistic of a football player who’s been in the NFL for 14 years, it doesn’t mean you’ll remember not to leave your favorite football behind the tire of the car.
8 ) You can squirt toothpaste directly in your mouth instead of on your toothbrush before brushing and still be cavity-free at your next checkup.
7) Spit makes a pretty pattern when launched from the top level of Tampa International Airport’s parking garage onto the rooftops below.
6) Grossing out your younger brother — and, yes, your mother — never gets old. Flipping your upper eyelids inside-out is sure-fire winner.
5) If you don’t have scrap paper on hand to play tabletop football, peas make a great substitute.
4) Saying, “I hope this works” followed by a loud BLAM! will give your mother a partial stroke.
3) If your mother laughs at your knock-knock joke #281 without rolling her eyes, you’ll be required to wear a jacket when it’s cold without rolling yours.
2) Your mother always monitors that invisible bungee cord that connects you. Stretch it, because she won’t let it snap.
1) Love between a mother and son is unconditional. Believe it.
Happy birthday, eldest spawn of Lisa! And though mom’s right, you may have to *wear* that coat when she says it’s cold (regardless of whether it is or not) — the world can never *ever* make you zip up unless you so choose.
Even after reading this, I still think it’s so totally cool to be the mother of a boy — even if it means I have to duck and hide from some of these things. Thanks for the heads up!
CHICKEN POXS ARE NOT AS FUN AS EATING CHICKIN I LEARNED THAT THE HARD WAY